Let's Catch Up!

"People with goals succeed because they know where they are going."

So... needless to say, but I'll mention it anyway, it's been a while since I've written. I definitely have been getting caught up with life. So much going on. And to be honest, I felt like I started this blog with the intention of it being surrounding my move to Jacksonville, figuring out everything I want to accomplish here, and things of that nature. I found that moving here has fit me extremely well; I am making progress in all areas of life and I could not be happier about that. I've continued my therapy, I've come up with plans to reach my financial goals, I've surpassed what I thought I could accomplish with my fitness and nutrition goals... and honestly, I just felt like I've figured out what goals I need to reach and now I'm working towards them. I felt like working towards them wasn't an exciting thing to write about, or I should say for others to read about, but now I realize that's everything to write about. That's everything that I'm going to be going through, and struggling with, and dealing with, in order to reach these goals no matter what. I want to see this thing through. I want to be able to look back and read everything and re-experience everything once I'm in the first place I want to travel to. Once I'm in the fifth place. Once I'm 50 years old and have 50 countries under my belt that I have experienced. This will all be a reminder of everything that it took to get there.

I've had a lot of setbacks with being able to work towards my financial goals. This is how it's been going since the end of June: I accepted a position with an international company for the sake of having job security once I am able to start traveling. I had to take some time off from my full time job, let's just call it "The Restaurant", in order to get through training and get settled with this new job. Once I return back to The Restaurant with new availability, they don't seem to like part time employees and began giving me one shift per week. I tried to speak to management about anything we could do for me to get more shifts. Unfortunately we ended up at a standstill: they wanted more availability than I could give and I needed more shifts than they were willing to give a part time employee. I enjoyed working at The Restaurant, but unfortunately, due to the future job security of my new job, the new job needed to be the one I kept. My new position is a part-time position; I work three mornings a week and get paid by paycheck once per week. I was working at The Restaurant four to five nights per week. So the big plan was to use my job at The Restaurant to pay monthly bills, living expenses, extras, etc., and the paycheck from my new part-time job would go directly into my different savings accounts. Well... with one shift per week, that's not going to cut it for living expenses. So unfortunately, I now had to find a new full-time job that would accept my availability, get through training with them, start making money and get to my plan. Well... as soon as I got through training, Hurricane Irma decides now it's her time to shine. So then I miss a week plus of work, have to pay traveling expenses for Atlanta to hide out from Irma, and of course this puts a damper on my plan as well. Once I return back home, my part-time job has had some damage from the hurricane. We usually operate out of three venues but two are closed for renovation, and we are now operating out of one, which makes shifts slim. I am currently working one morning per week there. And at this point, I am now comfortable in my new position, out of training, and making money. Finally with the start of October, although the money going into savings won't be as much for the time being as originally hoped, at least I am finally able to start with my plan to work towards my financial goals. I have goals I need to hit and amounts I need to reach in order to do the things I want to do and feel comfortable moving away. I'm hoping within five years I'll be ready to make my first move, and regardless of my setbacks, I can't just quit. I will work hard, I will reach my goals, and I will see this through.

As far as personal development goes, which is another major thing that I've been working on down here and would like to continue working on, I have been off and on consistently, if that even make sense. I feel that I really enjoy studying it, learning about it, going to see my therapist, watching videos, reading books etc., and then unfortunately day-to-day life happens and I get distracted. Distraction is the Egos biggest defense and it has definitely been working on me. I am organizing my life, getting everything together, and will make it a habit to do these things more often and keep myself aware throughout the day. Putting different things into practice, having different goals every week to pay attention to and to build up my awareness... this is what I need to do. This is what I look forward to and this is how I build up and be a better person. Every day I want to be a better person in some way than I was the day before. One thing I've enjoyed about being in Jacksonville is the opportunity to find myself, learn about myself, and better myself. I've been doing all of those things and it's an amazing transition. There will always be things to improve upon and it is a lifelong journey; it's awesome to see yourself really diving in and getting that started. I can only get better from here.

Which is exactly how I feel about my fitness and nutrition. If you've been keeping up with my social media, I pretty much plaster it all on there. It's made such a difference in my life and I can't imagine not having this lifestyle that I do now. I absolutely love it and it's done so many great things for me. I constantly find myself watching nutrition documentaries, exercise documentaries, weightlifting documentaries, googling things online, trying to learn more and learn everything that I can about this fitness and nutrition life that I've come to love so much. I want to learn everything. I've developed such a passion and absolutely love my time in the gym. It's a stress reliever, it puts me exactly in line with the goals that I'm trying to hit, and it's become a passion for me. I no longer have to make myself go to the gym, or find time in my schedule to make it there… it is the main part of my schedule aside from work and I absolutely love it. Yesterday marked my one year free and clear of bulimia; this is something I've been struggling with off and on since middle school, which is over 15 years, which is half of my life. It's crazy to look back at things in different ways and time frames to realize how you were struggling. Throughout that time, I didn't even realize how long it had been, how big of a deal it was, and how much it became a part of my life. It's amazing to me to take such an unhealthy mental and physical struggle and replace it with the healthiest opposite version of that. And then not only that, but to come out the other side with a passion for it. I couldn't be happier.

Struggling with eating disorder may seem like a physical issue, but for those who don't know it is 100% mental. All mental. I have mental struggles reflecting from my bulimia that I still deal with on a consistent basis. I still struggle with cravings, feeling too full sometimes after a cheat meal and the urge to binge, accepting my body and the flaws it has, and my relationship with the scale. Seeing what I see now on the other end, even with these mental battles that I still deal with, I can't imagine going back to my old habits. I definitely struggle, but having support, people to reach out to, people who love you, that's all you need. That is 100% all you need to make it through, and of course the want to do that. And I wish I could tell everybody what happens on the other side once you do that. Your body is so much healthier, your mind is so much stronger, your happiness increases, your become more comfortable in your own skin... there are an infinite amount of benefits to chucking your eating disorder out the window and replacing it with the fitness and nutrition your body actually needs. After a certain point of an eating disorder, it doesn't even reflect physically anymore, at least that was my experience. I wasn't losing weight from the bulimia, I wasn't getting thin from the bulimia, I didn't like how it felt after I've binged... it was like I was still doing it because it had just become a part of my life. At the end, for what seemed like no good reason. I couldn't even explain why I was doing it after a certain amount of time. And if this is something you're struggling with, you absolutely have to realize that, and then that's where you can begin to heal. Again, this is just my thoughts that come from my personal experience. You need to begin to know that there's better ways. I look better and feel more confident in my skin now than I ever have in my entire life. It literally brings tears to my eyes just writing this out. I'm currently sitting at the pool in a two-piece swimsuit and for the first time in my life I don't feel like I have to suck in my stomach. I don't have to wonder what it looks like when I lean this way or bend this way. And not because I look perfect, but because I feel more comfortable and healthier in my own body. And once you stop thinking about those things 24/7, it frees up your time and your mind to think about so many better things... to do so many better things... so many more productive things. So many things that will make your mind stronger and make your life richer.

I work out five days a week for about an hour and a half to two hours each day and then I add 2 to 3 sessions of HIIT for 15 to 30 minutes each time. I put a lot of work into my fitness but the most amazing part about it is that I don't have to consider it work. And it sounds so ridiculous, but I honestly feel like if I can do it, anyone can do it. Having struggled with what I have for so long, and being able to leave that behind and turn it into something so strong, healthy, and positive... I promise it can be done. By anyone.

For my next few blog post I want to go into detail as to what I do for my nutrition. That has made the biggest difference in my life and I'm constantly trying to encourage other people to adopt what I do as well. I weigh and measure all of my food, which a lot of response I get to that is that it's too much work or someone can't keep up with it. And I completely 100% understand that. It is definitely a lot of work. It is definitely time consuming. But I guess that's just lucky for me in the sense that I love it just as much as I love going to the gym. I love tracking my food. I love weighing and measuring everything that I eat. I love knowing exactly what and how much of everything is going into my body. I love checking nutrition labels and learning about the hidden ingredients and everything that I am and am not eating. It's all part of the learning experience that I'm enjoying. It's all part of how I've reached the goals I reach so far, part of how I have quit an eating disorder, and I'm sure a big part of how I will reach my future fitness and nutrition goals. So I want to lay it out super clear for anyone who is looking for a change, anyone who is looking on how to get healthy, wondering where to start on nutrition. And if not, maybe just anyone who wants to learn a little bit.

I'm so excited about this new passion of mine. Now I just have added new goals to list: how to get certified as a nutritionist, how to get certified as a personal trainer, and ideally I would also like to be a lifestyle coach of some sort. In the past couple of months, this has all just created more passion, more drive, and more goals that I get to have in my life. Honestly, I know I have so much more work to be done but I have seen such a drastic change my life for the better in just a short amount of time; I can't wait to see what happens in the upcoming weeks months and years of my life. It's going to get good y'all!